The scene: Burlacher pacing his condo, pointing his Star
Wars Light Saber (he got for Christmas) with purpose at inanimate objects as he
crescendos to profound statements.
“To all Bears fans, personal friends and followers – I need
to sincerely apology for my notable absence the past few weeks. I abandoned you when you needed my guidance
and strength the most, and for that, I hope you can forgive me. It’s not an
excuse but I feel you deserve to know -- after having the best time of my life
at my first Bears game on December 23rd where we were victorious
over the Cardinals and then immediately begin so devastated by Packmen not
doing their job -- I ran from the pain and promptly turned my focus to
Christmas shopping. "
"Then, I received so
many presents from family, friends and (of course) my fans that I couldn’t
neglect, I needed to find the time to give my final blog the full attention it
deserved; the attention that you deserved (Light Saber pointed at scrapbook a
fan made for him).”
Burlacher takes a moment to collect himself, and continues…
“That said, your calls, emails, texts, cards etc. did not
gone unnoticed, and I do want to be perfectly clear when I say, I hate the Packmen.
I hate them when they win, I hate them when they lose. And I believe they are in the NFL to
intentionally screw us, and no other reason. I know you all feel the same and
it is with every ounce of my strength that I muster these next words – we must
move forward. It’s been two weeks now
since our playoff dreams have been snatched out from under us, but if you’re
anything like me, it still hurts like it was yesterday. So I ask you, please be
there for your neighbors and friends as we go through this troubling time
together; we need each other now more than ever. And more importantly, go buy
49ers gear and transition with a vengeance on January 12th like any
good Bears fan would!”
(Light Saber pointed to the ceiling in triumph, standing
statuesque and pausing for dramatic emphasis)
“I don’t want to end on a negative note so I do want to
share that even though Uncle Brian did not play against the Cardinals, I really
enjoyed the nachos and beer. It was a
bit chilly but I had my scarf, oh and I got cleats! I could not contain my excitement when I
opened them (pre game present) as I’ve always wanted footwear but didn’t want
to appear high maintenance by forcing the issue.”
“There was one intense moment during the game when I was
overcome with excitement and found myself crowd surfing…. I almost pulled it
off with no incident and then my helmet went flying and I poured my beer on
someone’s head (accident). Security came
after me so I jumped in the arms of new friends next to me but security found
me - I think because my friends had on face paint and I didn’t, but regardless
I was reprimanded… security said I should never crowd surf with a beer in my
hand and threatened to kick me out. I thought fast and explained it was my
first time surfing and obviously next time I would never take the beer with me,
and they let me stay."
"Others said they let me stay because I was cute and
because that logic didn’t make sense, but honestly I don’t care because the
people in front of me finally noticed I was wee-er than most and couldn’t see
past them when seated, so they parted like the Red Sea so my view of Uncle
Brian calling plays from the sideline was unobstructed.”
“I did get my own seat on the bus ride home, though, which
was great because sometimes Cupcake makes me share with her on planes. Anyway, the point is I got sweet aviator
sunglasses for Christmas that I even wear at night so people don’t recognize me
when I’m out on the town. I’m also taller because of my cleats so I’m able to
approach women I ordinarily wouldn’t.
Oh, and I’m learning to play the guitar in the off season so I don’t
obsess over who our new coach will be (we will miss you Lovie – it was a good
run) and Cupcake tells me a hobby may keep me out of trouble this year. We’ll see."
"On that note, if you, or anyone you know would
like to send me more gifts in the off season, please send them to: 51 --”
Cupcake: “NO! Don’t give people your address, Burlacher!”
Burlacher: “Why? I want more gifts.”
Cupcake: “You got plenty… we’ll get you a PO Box next year.”
Burlacher: “I don’t know what that is but fine,
please forward all gifts this year to Uncle Brian and he will get them to me.
Thanks so much. Go 49ers! And I’ll see you at the draft….”
No comments:
Post a Comment