Scene - Sports
Bar
Slow first
quarter… Burlacher makes the rounds taking pictures with Bears fans and finally
sits down just before the second quarter. We’re approached by an AM Sports
Radio Producer…
Producer: (addresses our table) “We’re running contest during the
game, before each quarter we’ll pick nine names and you get choose what you
think the first offensive play of the quarter will be, ie: short pass to the
left, long run up the middle, etc…. do you want to play?”
Burlacher: “Yes I do, what will I win?”
Producer: “A $25 Gift Card to the bar.”
Burlacher: “Yes. I’d like to focus on the
game now but please enter me… its ‘Burr-lack-er’. No last name. Thank you.”
The producer clearly intrigued, refrains
from asking questions, submits our entries in his box and everyone’s attention
is back on the game... just in time for Tony Romo to throw the ball directly
to…
Burlacher: “CHARLES!!!!! Interception!!! Touchdown!!!”
Burlacher shoots out of our booth on his
victory lap, straight through the legs of our new producer friend but pays no
attention… people are trying to high five him but now he’s sprinting, arms pumping,
head down, focused only on completing his victory lap in time to watch the
replay (it’s no secret cornerback Charles Tillman is his favorite). Now back in the booth, peacefully opens
the menu to contemplate dinner options (he can eat now that we’re winning) and
the Producer approaches again…
Producer: (to Burlacher) “With all the commotion you didn’t hear me
announce your name… You’ve been drawn as one of the nine to guess the opening
play of the second half.”
Burlacher – Hops out of the booth and
struts to the board as if this was expected. He chooses “long pass to the right” and returns to his seat
as we watch the teams line up to start the second half.
(Second Half Begins)
Bears start on offense, Cutler takes the
snap, pulls back, throws…. Long pass to the right! Completion to Alshon Jeffery
. Seconds later from the loud speaker….
Producer: “And the Winner is
BURLACHER!!!” (we don’t hear it) “Again, BURLACHER… no last name!!!” (This time
we do)
Burlacher: Now visibly shocked and excited like a 6yr old that just won
the Cake Walk at their elementary school carnival… “I WON! I REALLY WON!!” Fumbles to get out of
the booth and scampers to claim his prize… but slows, now very cool and with a
bit of swagger he works his congratulatory rope line that formed on his path…. Claiming
his prize takes long enough for Cutler to throw another completion to Alshon
Jeffery, then another to Brandon Marshall, and then to Devin Hester for the
TOUCHDOWN!!!
Burlacher hears the cheering behind him and
knows exactly what that means; he grabs his prize (no time for a ‘thank you’,
he owes no one) and runs back to the booth screaming: “YAYAYA!! TD #2 in Cowboy’s stadium AND I won the
contest! It’s a miracle!! Lovie is
even clapping!! What’s going on!?! Is the world coming to an end!?! My heart can’t take this much
excitement. I’m feeling weak.”
Me: “Burlacher! Are you okay?” (grab him, hoist him back up into the booth)
Burlacher: “I’m fine. I was kidding. I
just didn’t want to jump that high.”
Burlacher settles back in, sips his
Stella grinning with pride just in time to spit his beer across the table in
shock as Timmy Jennings tips Romo’s pass intended for Ogletree to Major Right
for the interception.
Burlacher: (looking at everyone at the
table) “Did you see how Timmy broke that up!?! He is the MAN!”
Our tablemates obviously missed it as
they were dodging Burlacher spitting beer at them but knowing better than to cause
an issue, they agreed and moved on. Soon after we regain possession in this
dramatic fashion, we lose it to a fumble and Dallas returns to offense. What they forgot was Lance Briggs is
also a receiver… he picks it off like the Cowboys route was made for him and
heads for the end zone. Now
Burlacher, who dislikes baseball immensely, got a bit confused….
Burlacher: “Good Job Lance B! GO BIG
GUY! HURRY BUDDY!! Okay, that’s enough from him, send in our
pinch runner. Lovie! Get Matthew
in there! Oh dear… there’s no time,
is he gonna make it?! They’re closing on him… oh no… TOUCHDOWN!!! Oh Thank God.” (Burlacher collapses to
the booth. exhausted. was touch and go)
As the game comes to an end… Burlacher
explains to our tablemates: “I
think the camera guys are Cowboys fans…”
Tablemates: “Why do you say that?”
Burlacher: “Because when their team
starts to suck, they resort to the QB we traded years ago and all their fans
leave the stadium… they create a diversion for the viewers by turning the
cameras straight to those fancy cheerleaders….”
*Note
– Burlacher has no comment on the replacement refs*
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