BEARS WEEK 8 -- THE WAR ROOM GAME

(by Cupcake and Burlacher)

Scene: Burlacher races from his bedroom, dressed in uniform as if he’s running late (a minute late for pregame is unconscionable for Burlacher – must be updated on the injury report and likes to debate commentator predictions) and jumps in his chair in front of the tv….

Me:  (standing behind him and speaking very fast as if that will somehow make him take the news better) “Burlacher, I have bad news, they are not showing the Bears on cable here and we can’t go to the bar today.”

Burlacher – tv remote in hand, scrolls the guide hitting every game; reading the “info” for team match up and clicking on the station to make sure they weren’t lying.  After repeating this a few times, he matter-of-factly hops from his chair, races to the front door and jumps for the handle. I stand there watching this process for a minute and finally weigh in…

Me: “Burlacher, I told you, we’re not going to the bar.”

Burlacher: “There is no we, “I” will go to the bar.”

Me: “Not if you can’t get out of the door.” (knew this was bad, couldn’t reign in the sarcasm)

Burlacher: (whips his head around, very angry) “And what exactly do you suggest I do then?”

Me: “Well, I thought I would follow it on ESPN on my computer and you could do the same from your ipad.”

Burlacher: “No. I will have both. I will follow on ESPN on your computer AND follow Larry’s gameday blog on my ipad. AND I will be watching the network for all updates and at halftime I will watch highlights and I will pray for a blow out in the Steelers/Redskins or Patriots/Rams games so cable changes to my game. Oh, and I am no longer speaking to you for putting me through this stress.”

Me: “I wish you’d change your mind… I’d like to watch….”

Burlacher: (cuts me off) “No. I said no more from you and I meant it.”

Burlacher grabbed his coffee, set up his “war room” and proceeded to watch the game with only a few grunts and small cheers from time to time. None of them invited a comment or reaction from me, until the game changer and he needed me…

Burlacher: (screaming) “TIMMY!!!!  Interception!!  Touchdown!!  Burlacher starts to do his victory shimmy and then gets distracted… (*Note - tv flipping between NFL Network and Patriots blowout, waiting for them to change games any second to a real competition but no luck yet) …. “Cupcake!!! QUICK – flip to the Steelers game, see if they’re changing to Bears!”

I do as I’m told but nothing.

Burlacher: (Staring intensely at the tv) “THOSE DAMN BUMBLE BEES! That game sucks! Those jerseys suck! This whole thing sucks!” (I say nothing)

Back to his computers he goes… hitting refresh on both every second (at least) for fear he’s missing something.

Me: “I don’t think you have to keep hitting that button…”

Burlacher: (not listening, sees the ESPN scroll that the patriots are now up 45 – 7) “Turn to the Patriots game NOW!!!!”

I turn to back and sure enough, the last two minutes of the Bears game are on.  Burlacher leaps from the seat in his war room and races to the tv. Refusing to sit, he paces, never taking his eyes off the tv as the Panthers are up 22 – 20 and our offense charges down the field. Bears make it to the Panthers 36 with four seconds remaining.

Burlacher: (whispering, almost a chant as the kicking team takes the field) “C’mon Robbie, c’mon Robbie… (following the kick as it flies through the air) it looks good, IT LOOKS GOOD….. ITS GOOD!!!! WE WIN!!! WE WIN!!!!”

Burlacher takes off on his victory lap…  screaming something about the 4^th Quarter come back, jumping on tables, high fiving inanimate objects and finally ends by jumping in my lap and hugging me (awkwardly long and clearly odd like the sweet side of those Sour Patch kids but I’m not complaining)

Burlacher: (still sitting on me like we’re best friends again but watching the tv as the Steelers highlights come on)

“Oh dear, I think I may have said some nasty things about them earlier but I’m not sure. (Stares into to space for a second and concludes) I probably didn’t.”

Me: (less is more) “You did.”

Burlacher: “Well, I might have and I’m not making excuses but those jerseys just made me so dizzy…”