THE STATE OF IOWA FOOTBALL, METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING ...

As a born-and-raised Iowa Hawkeye fan, I am constantly asked about the state of the football program and what it's like to follow a team that is thoroughly unpredictable and has to be one of the most frustrating on the planet. 

I've answered these questions several different ways over the years.  Depending on my state of inebriation, and anger, I'll sometimes say, very cordially, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME."  Other times, I'll say, quite respectfully, "would you kindly remove yourself from my sight, lest I reconfigure the contours of your face with this pint glass that I have just broken on the table and which used to contain a golden liquid made of hops and barley that I frequently use to deaden the pain of my fandom, thank you."

Trolling the world wide interwebs for simpler, classier, more humane and constructive ways of responding to these questions, I came across this video.  It sums up the current state of Iowa football better than I ever could: